Helping children to cope with their feelings of anger can be challenging if we, adults, are choosing not to cope with our own feelings of anger. After we have gone through, accepted, and handle our personal anger management, we are ready to assist our children through their anger journey.
First, we have to recognize and help our children when they have entered the anger zone. When noticing a child in anger or when a child let us know he or she is angry, let us ask him or her how do you know that you are angry? Following are some responses our children may share with us: Child states that his or her anger starts inside his or her and his or her face feels hot and gets red, The child tells us that he or she yells, The child says that he or she stamps his or her feet, Child shares that his or her mother or father tells him or her that when I am angry, I get tired or I am hungry, I need a hug or a nap.
Second, we need to attentively listen to the child’s responses on who makes him or her angry. Some responses may be as follows: friends won’t play or share their toys with them. My brother, sister, or other family members always tease him or her. The Child’s team did not win the game. The child let us know that he or she is being bullied. Friends or family members are taking things from them.
Next, we need to help them let go of the anger by letting them know that everyone gets angry. It is not a fun or happy feeling to be angry. We need to model desire results for dealing with anger. Listen to the child’s concerns and expressions of anger without being judgmental. Engage in a coloring project with the child to calm the child’s feelings of anxiety, anger, and frustration. Allow them to engage in a rage room by giving him or her time and space to vent through crying, shouting, and expressing his or her feelings. Make sure this is done in a healthy and non-threatening or damaging environment.
Finally, after the child’s frustration period has passed, we can engage in conversation. This is where we teach our children to cope with anger. Helping them to identify what triggers the anger and think about what helps them to calm down during their feelings of anger. We can play the Traffic Light game. Red light- Stop and take 3 or more deep breaths.
Yellow light-Think about pleasant options.
Green light-Choose the best option and do it.
Reminding them that they are in control over their emotions and responses.
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