We must remember that all behaviors have purpose goal. We must remember that if we response to the child’s behavior (the problem) this will not address the purpose of the child’s behavior. We are only perpetuating the problem. We must model how we would like to be spoken to.
Dealing with the misbehaving goal called revenge, we are feeling hurt, disappointed, disbelieving and disgusted. At this time, we are in the impulse mode to retaliate, to get even, and we are thinking “how could you do this to me?”
The child’s revengeful behavior is saying help me, I am hurting. Acknowledge my feelings. I want to feel I count.
Our strategy to deal with the revenge behavior is to refuse to feel (your) hurt. We will not retaliate (passively or aggressively). We will acknowledge their hurtful act and link it to likelihood that they are hurting. We will explore their hurt. We will use reflective listening. We will allow them to share their feelings. We will apologize and avoid punishment and retaliation. We will show compassion and empathy in Christ.
Dealing with a love one, we should prayerfully seek God’s guidance on how to lovingly interact with this child, who is loved and covered under God’s grace and mercy.
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it” (Prov. 22:6).
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